It used to be so simple. I used to see it B&W.
Love, and keep loving. Make it a daily choice.
Sometimes I would border on utter stupidity,
absurd blindness and ridiculous doormat-ism.
Twisted loyalty and obsessive devotion, perhaps.
But then the pendulum started swinging and I
went a little too far back behind walls and
thinly-stretched distances, taut with anxiety,
mistrust, suspicion and fear of having my heart
torn again; couldn’t stand the sight of the punctured,
frayed and ragged thing again…and again…again.
Disappointment taught me to love differently,
a little less B&W, and more shifting shades of gray,
but I can’t figure if I’m walking wiser in love or
more foolish in guarding the sacred things. Because
lately I’ve just wanted to rip off the veils that I
sometimes put on out of wisdom or fear, who knows,
and return to that place of foolish youthful bravery,
that utter stupid courage that runs carefree and blind
to the potential disasters, chaos, stumblings and falls
that can happen when you run through obstacle courses
for the simple sake of simple love and truth, of things
naked and unashamed; to speak rawly roar-ly and risk your
kind and tender eyes considering me and loving me; to
risk it all for the sake of baring an honesty before you
cuz i don’t want to stand here, in front of you, hiding.
i just can’t fake anymore. He can do any every thing
with me when i stop putting up the veils, lies, and
strip myself down to the bare nakedness, unashamed
to be present, to be here, in front of you, not hiding.
if i’m messy, i’ll be messy.
if i’m mistaken, i’ll be mistaken.
if i’m forgiven, i’ll be forgiven.
if i’m lonely, i’ll be lonely.
if i’m loved, i’ll be loved.
if i’m crazy, i’ll be crazy.
if i’m bold, i’ll be bold.
if i’m sweet, i’ll be sweet.
if i’m hard, i’ll be hard.
if i’m a child, i’ll be a child.
if i’m an adult, i’ll be an adult.
i’ll be without regret, i’ll be honest.
but i won’t hurt you knowing it,
trash, abuse, discard, curse, spit,
rob, rape, rage, beat, batter, bash,
destroy, pillage, thwart, twist, turn,
mock or pummel you knowing it…
i’ll be honest, without regret.
i don’t want to run away at your ugly, or be afraid
that you’ll run from mine…even if you do end up leaving.
i don’t want to be limited by a potential or hypothetical.
see, sometimes we put Grace into small neat packages, hoping
she’ll stay contained in situations and when-in-need.
but she’s not as tame a lioness as that. nope. she’s wild
and free, she’ll demand a place in every space, thought,
word, deed, action, longing and sigh of your soul, every
chord and tie and bond of your heart, she’ll demand her place.
i have grace for you,
a love that is absurdly impossible to deplete,
as surely as He does for me, i have for you;
as surely as His Love fills all the tender vacated spots in my heart, i will love you;
as surely as His touch replenishes the torn-off spots where heart-tissue and heart-muscle have gone missing,
i will love you again and again;
He’s given us grow-again hearts, that’s the nature of His DNA, so i will love you again and again…
again, stand before you not-hiding, better than we once did in Eden.